You know what’s absolutely delightful during Summer in Melbourne?


And people.

Trams and people really do make for a winning combination any time of year, but in Summer especially.

I don’t know about you, but I take great joy in the anticipated excitement of discarding all familiar notions of personal space each time I step onto public transport.

There’s nothing quite like feeling a large woman’s larger breasts warm your now very well cushioned torso while her breath beams down upon you with the strength of an industrial vacuum cleaner working in reverse; your hair swooshing with the vibration of her steady exhaling, the whistle of air tunneling through her oversized nostrils bringing a musty puff to your face.

And amidst all this pleasantness, you experience the attack of a surely toxic potion of sour and arid perspiration intermingled with dried urine and garlic, lots of garlic.


You need air.

But there is none of it. All there is, is the unrelenting stench of despair from the unhappy souls that surround you.

Such was the amorous reverie I found myself engulfed in just the other day when two women pushed their way onto an already overcrowded tram causing me to become, for a few short moments (read: for several lifetimes), one with the odour that leapt from some public toilet floor into the stomach of one of them and then out of her flaring nostrils onto my cringing face.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Related Posts


Review: Wil Anderson is ‘Wil-Informed’ at his 23rd Melbourne International Comedy Festival

Wil Anderson has been dishing out the laughs at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival for 23 years now and his audience continues to hold out a plate, Oliver Twist style, asking for more. He’s clever, Read more…

Gleeko Blog

Silver linings can be found in those Thunderstorm Asthma clouds

On the two-year anniversary of the 2016 Thunderstorm Asthma event some thoughts and advice by someone who knows what life with asthma is about On 21 November 2016, in Melbourne Victoria, something remarkable occurred which Read more…

Gleeko Blog

‘Tides’ is a return to form for ex-Powderfinger Darren Middleton

This record is lush and fertile in its instrumentation. Contrary to its title, ‘In The End’ is actually a brilliant opener for Middleton’s third solo album Tides– it’s lovey, lush, and full of warm instrumentation and Read more…