Welcome to Gleeko Etiquette. Disillusioned by my daily exchanges with members of society, mostly involving countless examples of poor etiquette and general unclassified weirdness, I decided to use my condemning but fair nature to make some suggestions and point out some absolute, 100% hell no’s, in what I have aptly named, Gleeko Etiquette.
Lesson #1 - How to behave in a public toilet
If you are ever in a public bathroom and you exit a toilet cubicle only to find someone that you know about to enter the said cubicle, do NOT under ANY circumstances physically embrace this person prior to shuffling over to the wash basin to clean your filthy toilet hands. This is not cool. And let me take this opportunity to reiterate the importance of hand washing. I reiterate because I have heard women flush and then walk out of public toilets without so much as pausing to think whether they might have missed something as monumentally basic as personal hygiene.
In fact, I will take it one step further and announce that Gleeko Etiquette dictates that no matter what the situation is, there are to be no embraces or displays of physical affection in public bathrooms. I don’t even want to see someone extend a hand of friendship in such a stink room.
The question ‘why?’ really should not be asked, but, since it’s only Lesson 1, I will try to be somewhat accommodating and simply say this:
Why?! Are you kidding me? It’s a dirty place with poo fumes. Pumes. PUMES!
Of course, a lesson highlighting the importance of not doing something is not complete unless an alternative is provided - something to replace the highly disturbing behaviour. So what should you do if you open a toilet door and the person standing in front of you is someone you know? I recommend greeting them, with words. Try something like "Hi there! Fancy seeing you in here," as you promptly move towards the sink to, let's all say it in unison, wash your hands!
Lesson over, class dismissed.